TORONTO – Researchers from Moral Heights University located in the center of the universe have developed the MPS or Moral Positioning System to replace the older Moral Compass.
“It’s a break through, or as we prefer to say, a new step to a change towards a more superior and clearer moral destination”, claimed university researcher and MPS designer Norman Warmy.
Warmy explained that advances in technology have allowed humans to find moral ground much easier than in the past. The MPS functions by using military satellites, which employ Infra Red tracking of heat signatures. These satellites can now be converted to track human energy which emits from immoral thoughts or behavior. However, the MPS system requires the person as the link your bodies’ energy emissions to the satellite.
The researchers (or creators as they prefer to be addressed as) of the MPS further claimed their device is unparalleled achieving accuracy compared to the older Moral Compass. “Please allow me to explain since the majority of your readers will be below me on the subject of quantum morality”, explained Warmy. "The older moral compass that most people associate with had the flaw of human error. Humans unlike Warmy and my fellow students or graduates of Moral Heights University can be flawed and inferior in their thinking in terms of good and bad morality. The MPS will now tell you what is moral or not, thus eliminating the chance of unmoral activity or thoughts. The older moral compass allowed the person…or individual to decide for themselves what was immoral or not, and in this day and age that would be morally unacceptable.”
The MPS can also set way points to moralizing, especially when dealing with difficult situations. The directions of G for good, B for bad, W for wrong and R for right will remain the standard directions as they were with the moral compass. “Good Bad and Right Wrong will always guide us”, further explained Warmy. "There’s only one standard of right and wrong and those have been created by me, and I have programmed those parameters into the MPS."
The MPS also has an audible alarm which will allow you to know if you’ve gone off the path of moral decency. "How can you go bad or wrong when an audible alarm alerts to your improper morality. The MPS can take the stressful effects of thinking away and decide for you. Now that’s peace of mind”, said a joyful Warmy.
The creators at Moral Heights University have also claimed to have “cracked the code”, to quantum morality which clearly entitles the creators to the status of a higher state of evolved consciousness better than the average human being. The creators reportedly worked for endless hours in what they called there “Hall of Solitude”, a university lab devoid of any human contact or ideas with the outside world which they credited to discovered the secret code which enables simple human beings to follow the programming of the MPS.
“This is not just a random philosophy we constructed and a set of laws for human beings to follow, there was mathematical equation involved. However you must be morally intelligent to understand it, kind of like Einstein was with reactivity. So just allow us do the math. Were just more gifted and far more qualified than the average human to solve these problems”, further exclaimed Warmy in an air of moral confidence.
Some critics have been quick to judge the MPS though, “I don’t like the idea of a little box thinking for me, morality isn’t a math equation, and it’s not about a rigid set of rules, it’s about finding out your own answers”, said John Galtson. However, Warmy disagrees, “morality is a mathematical equation of quantumness and as I am its creator, it is in fact a perfect equation with no fault. The MPS answers all.”
Caleb McTab a self proclaimed human rights activist and recent university dropout thinks that there should be a test for morality. “Those who don’t pass should have a MPS surgically implanted into their brains. It would be great to have people thinking more like me, moral and on the high ground that is...and stop the torture of innocents in Iraq", said McTab.
Warmy would like to see the MPS placed at the town centers and eventually within every home throughout the world. As Warmy would say, “the world would be such a proper place to live.” as he yet again referenced himself from the third person perspective.
The MPS is not yet available for the public as it is undergoing further testing on university student’s union’s board members throughout North America and Europe.
1 comment:
Wow, I just got back from the center of the universe (GTA) tonight.
I could have used the MPS while driving on the 401 to avoid flipping the bird at morally superior Great Torontonian Area Drivers as they swerved in and out of traffic at 140kph.
If I'd had the Moral positioning system I would have known that these asswipes, um, er... I mean, people were entitled to be in much more of a hurry than lowly little me.
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